Cooking with the 'Hood II
by Descendent
Summary: Once again Blob assumes the role of Iron Chef and hosts a cooking show packed full of Insanity. Special guest chef Rogue!


Cooking with the 'Hood II: Iron Chef

Well, taking a break from some series writing to go back to some good old fashion insanity, and more then anything one of my favorite old works was the original Cooking with the Hood, so hers the sequel.

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The 'Hood House ™©®

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, as well as various money grubbing Lawyers and legal aids, Are you ready for a culinary experience!

(Crickets chirp)

Announcer (slightly nervous): Well then, allow me to introduce you to the Iron Stomached chef! Fred Dukes!

(Curtains are pulled aside to reveal Blob dressed in all white with a Chef's hat. Todd and Lance are standing next to him, also dressed in white, at a large ornate counter covered with food. Todd is playing with the infamous Ball and Cup.

"Welcome, welcome, to another great installment of "Cooking with the 'Hood!" Fred shouted as he spread his arms wide.

"Or as the judge called it, 'Community service'." Lance quipped.

"I am your host, the one and only…" Fred began, ignoring Lance's comment before Todd interrupted him.

"One and only because no one wanted Kitty to host a cooking show…" Todd said under his breath.

"Fredrick Dukes…" Fred finished as he cast a glare at Todd. "On today's show, we will be making my world famous…"

"I.e. Infamous…" Lance interrupted again.

"Deep Fried southern Gumbo..." Fred continued, ignoring Lance. "now before we get started, we should state the following: Descendent doesn't own us or anything else, just the idea behind the story. So please don't sue!" Fred said with a smile.

"At least we have a sense of normalcy in this fic compared to his other ones." Lance muttered.

"And now for our special guest chef… Rogue!" Fred said as he made a motion off camera. After a few minutes of silence and awkwardly standing there with his hands outstretched no one came out. "I SAID! Our special guest chef! Rogue…" Fred shouted this time.

"Ah'm not doing this…" Rogue voice came from off camera.

"You have to." Kurt's voice said. "You heard the Judge. If you didn't go joyriding in the governor's limonene with the cast of 'True Blood' you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Ah'd prefer jail over this nonsense." Rogue grumbled as she walked out wearing a chef's outfit. She crossed her arms and gave a sneer at the Brotherhood Boys.

"Our very own Rogue here is a master gourmet when it comes to southern style cooking." Fred happily explained while looking at the Camera.

"What he means is she's the only person from down south in this god forsaken town." Lance added. "Thus that makes her an expert."

"At least by Brotherhood standards." Todd added.

"I stand by what I said." Fred commented. "So anyhow Rogue, how do we get started with making our deep fried southern gumbo?"

"Yea Rogue. Show us you're massive culinary Skills." Todd laughed.

"We start with some frog legs." Rogue hissed as she made a fist and glared at Todd.

"Eep." Todd squeaked.

"Good! I have those right here." Fred said as he pulled out a giant pot full of frogs. "I just need to hack the legs off." Fred said with a smile as he pulled out a giant cleaver.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Todd shouted as Fred pulled out a frog and was about to chop its legs off. "YOU MONSTER!" Todd shouted as he spit a wad of slime into Fred face.

"GAH!" Fred shouted as he tried to wipe off the slime. Todd grabbed the pot of frogs and ran off screen.

"RUN FREE BROTHERS! LET THE REVOLUTION BEGIN!" Todd was heard screaming as a pair of white pants went flying by the three mutants on camera.

"Ah wasn't expecting that." Rogue commented in shock.

"That was surprisingly expected for this household." Lance commented as he looked out the window. "And yes he is now naked and leading the frogs in an attack against the High School."

"Let's get back to cooking." Fred said as he finished wiping the slime off his face.

"I'm actually interested in seeing where this is going." Lance said as he looked out the window. "Where did they get their hands on military grade napalm so fast?"

"So Rogue, we can't use Frog legs, what else can we use?" Fred asked.

"How should Ah know?" Rogue commented. "My idea of cooking is calling for a pizza."

"I see you and Wanda have more in common then a taste for the Goth look." Lance commented.

"Well then." Fred said. Why don't we just do what we normally do." Fred said as he pointed to the various ingredients that were laying around on the table. He swiped them all into a large pot with a massive swipe of his hand. "And we stir it like so!" Fred said joyfully as he pulled out a large wooden spoon and stirred all the ingredients together.

"Wonderful." Rogue said a little queasy as she looked in the pot.

"So we take this over to our deep fried." Fred said as he walked over. The camera followed him to see him now standing in front of an industrial strength deep fryer that was twice the size of him.

"Where do ya'll get this stuff?" Rogue asked in mute horror.

"You know. That's a good question." Lance mused.

"You would be amazed at what you can get out of the back of magazines' now a days." Fred said as he pushed a button. A loud whirring sound emanated from the deep fryer, turning it on. "This baby will deep fry a whole shark in less than four minutes flat…"

"And how do you know that?" Rogue asked. "Wait. Ah, don't wanna know…"

"How do you think we got roped into this?" Lance asked.

"Ah said I didn't what to know." Rogue shouted as she covered her ears.

"Hey, Pietro said he wanted fresh sea food, as well as something crispy." Fred explained. "Two birds, or in this case, endangered sharks with one stone."

"Oh Lord." Rogue moaned. "I gotta get a better lawyer. This is cruel and unusual punishment. "I know I'm gonna regret this, but now what do we do?" Rogue asked as Fred tossed the bowl into the deep fryer. There was a loud sizzling sound.

"We wait." Fred said cheerfully. "Now let's go get our victim… I mean taste tester." Fred said as he and lance walked off screen.

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

"Where are those mooks." Rogue said as she leaned on the counter. Almost if on cue, lance and Fred walked in with a large brown sack between them. The sack was squirming and swearing in muffled French.

"Got our taste tester." Lance said as Fred dumped the sack into a chair, revealing Gambit. He was bound hand and floor with a gag over his mouth.

"Remy here was kind enough to 'volunteer.' Isn't that nice folks?" Fred smiled to the camera. Remy looked around nervously as he shook his head 'No' Frantically. "Wonderful!" Fred shouted as he removed the gag from gambit.

"Cherie! Save Remy from dis!" Gambit pleaded.

"I don't know swamp rat. This might be a fitting way of getting back at you for that panty raid you had earlier." Rogue commented as she put a bowl of amorphous gumbo in from of Gambit. "Now eat it."

"Please… no!" gambit pleaded before Rogue walked over and shoved his face into the steaming bowl of Gumbo. Gambit struggled for a few minutes as Rogue held his head there. She then pulled his head out as Remy gasped for air. "Remy don't feel so good." Gambit said as he turned a strange shade of checkered purple and blue.

"Hmmm… Maybe we shouldn't have used the goat cheese that was five years old." Fred said as he picked up the bowl and started eating. "Nope. Never mind, tastes fine to me.' Fred said as he continued eating. Gambit meanwhile passed out and dropped like a heap onto the floor with Rogue standing over him.

"Are we done?" Rogue asked as Gambit was twitching on the floor. "Cause I think I need to drag this Swamp Rat off to a hospital."

"Use Dr. Milton." Lance said. "He's an expert in stomach pumping. I'll call ahead and let him know he has another Kitty case." Lance said as he handed Rogue a card.

"Yea, were done!" Fred said as he ate the Gumbo with a giant spoon. "Another great recipe and another great fic." Fred smiled.

"And thankfully the last one too, because this fulfils our court mandated sentence." Lance said as an explosion shook the house. He walked over to the window and pulled the curtain to see a mushroom cloud rising up from the school. "Hmmm… Todd is more industrius then we've been giving him credit for. Looks like were gonna have more community service in the near future…"

"Which means more wonderful cooking shows!" Fred said cheerfully. "NOW GET THE HELL OFF OF MY LAND!" Fred shouted as he pulled out a shotgun and aimed it at the camera.

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Please Review folks, and stay tuned for Pietro's Challenge IV

Peace out,

Descendent


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